Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
