Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
