you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
