I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Come share oat with me in your robe
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
