I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
