I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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