the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
