you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
