Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
