we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
