Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
