I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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