since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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