Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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