I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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