I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
