somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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