On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
