Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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