we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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