I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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