I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
