Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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