It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
