I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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