alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
