dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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