had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
