We're like a lot better than the average bears
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
