Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
