That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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