Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
