I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
