i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
