I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
