It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
