Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
