can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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