The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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