im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
