So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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