we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
