you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
