He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh god it's open bar.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
