The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
