I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
