also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
