where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can I color on your dick again?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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