New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
