I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
