i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
