I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
